The air is getting crisp. The leaves are starting to change color. There is the smell of nachos in the air. It is football season! Even if we have no clue what is going on, many of us have a team that we just love, and we sit through hours of staring at the television with friends and family, pretending to know what is going on. Here are a few do’s and don’ts for the unseasoned football veteran to observe on game day:
Get the lingo correct. There is nothing worse than yelling “get a home run” at a football game. Study up on the terms so you can appropriately yell “hold the line” and know what you are saying (in case anyone questions it!).
Enjoy the flavors. This is a rare time in life where it is socially acceptable to engorge on wings, BBQ, chip and dip and nachos… AT THE SAME TIME. Go back for seconds or thirds – it is okay.
Learn the verbal chant or movement of the team. When something exciting happens or during a lull in the game, dedicated fans will often yell a catchy phrase or do something similar to a line dance. In order to look like you know what’s going on, learn these moves.
Differentiate the colors. Forget everything you learned in grade school about primary colors, because it does not apply here. Do not, under any circumstance, call a blue and yellow team “navy and gold.” They are completely different colors that probably belong to a rival team. Know the difference between maroon and crimson (yes, there is a difference in football).
Understand the mascot. Most mascots have a deep heritage that you need to understand. Learn to differentiate. Never confuse a razorback with a pig or a panther with a jaguar. They may be from the same animal family, but they are not the same to the fans!
Know the coach. To really fit in, at some point you will have to yell “what is (insert coach’s last name) thinking?” Always refer to the coach by their last name only, and never add the word “coach” to the front of their name.